6 CRITICAL LESSONS I LEARNT IN 2018

As the year 2018 winds up, it is important to look back and make attempts to connect-the-dots, count your blessings and your lessons alike.

The year 2018 has been a pretty good one, learned a lot of lessons, most of them came the hard way but thankfully, they have been learned and hopefully, when I look back from my death bed (whenever that is), I will be thankful.

By the way, I am not one of those that think the numbers in a year holds any significance, 2018 is just a figure in the calibrations we created for ourselves.

It is 2018 on the Gregorian calendar, but it is not 2018 on the Hijri calendar.

Sometimes, some more knowledge of other people’s ways can help your dogmatic prejudice.

That said, lets get straight to business.

 

 

If You are like me and You don’t like reading lengthy texts, here is a summary of the lessons, so You can grab them and go do other things.

  1. Do not make resolutions.
  2. We are all broke. Don’t go broke trying to prove to broke people that You are not broke.
  3. You are not that important, Nobody really gives a fuck about You. Stop thinking they do.
  4. Nobody is really doing better than You. Its all branding and packaging.
  5. You are not the saviour of the World. Leave the job to Jesus.
  6. Stop earning a Living, Start living life.

 

If You will like to go in-toto and read the entire super story, here it is… help your self.

Caveat: This post is kinda lengthy, to make it less cumbersome for You, I will insert pictures from some of my “waka waka” adventures during the year.. I hope the pictures inspire You to explore too. Life is short, the World is wide… #ExploreLife

My Coach said I might be ready to challenge Anthony Joshua or Floyd Mayweather in a couple of months.
Brethren, Pray for Me!!!..in Darey’ voice

Let us dive into the lessons shall we?

1.DO NOT MAKE RESOLUTIONS

31st December 2017, I was in a Hotel room on Lagos Island, fully armed with a brand new journal and I guess the Pen was new too…LOL.

I was about to make KILLER RESOLUTIONS for the next year before going on a Car Race to literarily “run into the year” with my friend Maxwell Obi.

Fast forward to the “new year”, I think I remembered the resolutions again around June and guess how many “Dont Dos” I have done? All.

I am writing this in December 2018 and I have practically not done most of the “Dos” either.

So what happened?

Was I un-disciplined? Maybe!

Was I in-consistent? No doubt!

But here was the real deal, Resolutions are written linearly like “Save up 500k by March”, “Marry my Fiancee by December”,”start going to the gym after work”…lol

Resolutions are based on CETERIS PARIBUS

But in real life, CETERIS is not always PARIBUS… even Ceteris is still looking for Paribus.. so don’t make your plans on Ceteris Paribus

BTW, Ceteris Paribus in Latins means “All things being equal”

So going forward, I have learned not to make yearly resolutions as the usual practice is.

Instead, I will set short term goals that are quick and easy to measure.

Set goals on a daily, weekly and monthly basis.

If at the end of one day, You didn’t quite hit the bull’s eyes, You can quickly change your tactics and do better the next day.

It is also easier to check your score card after every week or month than wait till December to come and see how many resolutions You have not ticked.

This is the Uwanna Beach the boundary between Ebonyi and Cross River States of Nigeria… I was there this year..lol

2.We are all broke, don’t get broker trying to prove to broke people that You are not broke.

I made more Money in 2018 than previous years, but 2018 was my brokest year so far.

At some point, Break was considering using my name as the past participle of Broke.

How did it happen?

I spent more than I made. Period!,

No village people, no family curse, no devourer anywhere.

How did I spend more than I made?

Asides from my “personal shenanigans” which I earned by the way, I was always playing Big Brother Africa.

Some random call comes in and minutes later, virtue is leaving me.

5 of us are sitted at a table, we pop 2 or 3 bottles of cold Orijin (or whatever it was each person preferred) with some peppered stew to support it, some hours later, everyone goes home, my account receives the biggest debit alert.

Why? I was the big boy in the crew, my stature is some how big but I don’t think my account was as big as a my stature.

I am not a member of the 30BG, there is no 30 billion in my akant.

Also, I am an aesthete, I love beautiful things, so I am friends with a lot of beautiful ladies.

Maintaining these beautiful friendships is quite expensive.

Sister “Just a Friend” is stranded and needs recharge card, data just finished and she needs to sub and other emergencies…

What are friends for?

A quick *737*…..# and my akant will lazzdent.

Dont read the story and forget the lesson.

In the year ahead, don’t go broke trying to prove to people that are broke that you are not broke.

This is the Starter Kit for the Yoruba Sweet Boys of South West Nigeria. I am a card carrying member. 😀

 

3. You are not that important, Nobody really gives a fuck about You. Stop thinking they do.

If You know how people forget the dead, You will stop living your life trying to please people.

That quote made a lot of meaning to me in the course of the year.

On several occasions, I went from Hero to Zero in a matter of days sometimes minutes sef.

Well, life is not fair, get used to it.

In the next year and in the course of your life, do your best and leave the rest.

You die today, the max anyone can give You is 1 minute of silence, some wailing at your burial and life continues like nothing happened.

Don’t wait till You are on your death bed before realising that nobody really gives a F about You.

You didn’t feature in the movie Expendables but You are highly Expendable.

Chilling with one of the locals in Abi Local Government of Cross River State. He was kind enough to hook me up with some frosh Palm Wine

 

4. Nobody is really doing better than You. Its all branding and packaging.

I suffered depression twice in 2017.

The last one was so bad to the point that I walked into my bathroom picked up a bottle of bleach, I wanted to gulp some and end this shii.

How did I get to that point?

Well, I was stressed, I was lonely (Bae was in Lagos, I was in Enugu and I had not thought of getting assistant Baes at that time) but top of all, I was suffering from what I now call social media delusionary syndrome.

It is the name I gave to what happens when You see people on Social Media and think they are doing better than You.

So I am in my apartment, No power (this is Nigeria fam!) , my Generator is not working, lying down on my bed, looking at the ceiling and checking one or two things online.

Then I stumble on the photos of people I taught tutorials back in School who didn’t know 1/10 of what I knew living life la vida loca, they were either in VI, Lekki, Ikoyi, Abuja, PH or out of the country.

Damn, is this how all my intelligence  has wasted?.

Ayemi-temi-bami!!!, Is this how my life have spoil?…LOL

That brethren was how I was depressed into depression.

Only for You to go to some events and meet some of these people and discover they are not really doing better than You like that..

Esskiss Sir, buh You are nor really rich like You used to portray on the gram na.. **in Falz’s voice**

All na packaging.

Truth is nobody uploads pictures of their troubles online, they only upload pictures of places they are balling.

Nobody is really doing better than You.

Even if they are, this is a situation of YOU vs YOU.

Work on yourself, your goals and aspirations, get better, best your best and enjoy life.

This is the Ngwo Cave and Waterfall, in Ngwo, Enugu State. Who wouldnt want to take some bath?.. Who knows if it is God pissing blessings on You…LOL

5. You are not the saviour of the World. Leave the job for Jesus

I am a practising Christian and I know that Jesus has already died and resurrected to save the World. If You are not a Christian, I am sure there is some “Super Hero” in your own Religion that is saving the world too.

What I am saying in essence is that You are not the saviour of the World, leave that job for Jesus (or whoever You believe in).

You are not an Avenger either, even the all the Avengers could not save themselves against Baba Thanos in the Infinity Wars.

Baba Thanos himself, the Grand Patron of the Yoruba Demons… #OjaDaddy

Incase You have forgotten, You are Human, a bloody human that one AK 47 bullet can kill so don’t try to play “god”.

When situations come, do your best, ask for help when You can and leave the rest.

If You die today, the world will continue like nothing happened.

So, Stay Woke (Ji Masun), give yourself brains and do normal.

I actually wanted to visit DUBAI this year, but I couldnt afford it, so I decided to go to DUGBE, Ibadan instead. Afterall, we have a Skyscrapper too.

6. Stop earning a Living, Start living life.

You see, until You exit the survival mode, You cannot make any meaningful contribution to this life.

So You get an alert for your salary today, You already have like 100k to pay up somewhere.

Before the 15th of the month, your salary has “lazzdent”, You are now counting down to the 30th or 31st of the Month, this is January, March was not better, June went same same, this is December, You are reading this and it is probably still same same.

Brethren, that is the survival mode.

Your life has been calibrated into monthly pay checks.

You are technically EARNING  your living,

living from paycheck to paycheck.

From your point of view, your life is a good as the whenever the next pay check is coming.

You should stop that now or make attempts to stop it soonest.

Truth is, if You go pursue a dream You care about, it wont be easy at the onset, but somewhere down the line, You will be proud You did.

Have you ever wondered why people clock in and out of the same office for 35 years of their lives?

My brother, the reason is the same reason You have calibrated your life on a 30 by 12 basis.. AKA.. You get paid every 30 days for  just 12 times in a year that has 365 days.

You should do something about the 30 by 12 life very soon.

Finally my brethren, this is the Ngwo Pine Forest in Enugu. Chop this Life, WE WILL ALL DIE HERE LASS LASS

CHRISTMAS BONUS ANYONE!!!!!

Since You have been patient enough to read to this point,  let me do “Give Away” for You like Tunde Ednut.

First, I have 2 books I am supposed to charge Money for (because plenty Street OT dey inside) but I will give You for FREE.. Download them below:

Also, I once suffered depression two times and now I am a Master at depressing Depression.

How did I do it?..

This is a personal discovery I made this year.. let me share it with You.

It is very simple… GOOF!!!

Yes.. You heard me correctly; allow yourself to GOOF AROUND.. Play like a kid, do stuffs other people think are for kids, explore the child in You, allow yourself to make mistakes, laugh at yourself, call yourself “Ode!”, “Mumu”,”idiot” and laugh over it…so when someone calls You idiot outside, You just smile, afterall, even You have been calling yourself idiot… but deep down You know you are smarter than their “fada” sey?..

Have You ever wondered why Kids dont have Hypertension or High Blood Pressure?..

Well, their hearts are still “new new open” and “follow come”, so e dey work well.

Also they allow themselves to GOOF, they ask “stew peed” questions without feeling bad, they make mistakes and laugh over it, they are unbothered, they quarrel today and play again tomorrow.

Trust me, if You try it, You will share testimonies in the months to come

Somebody said my Head and the Coconuts at La Campagne Tropicana kinda look alike.. is it true?

 

Moving forward….into the new year

In the new year, I have decided to apply these lessons and go at life like its no Man’s business.

I will try more things,

I will fail more and faster,

I will not spend more than I earn,

I will not expect more from anyone knowing fully well that I am not that important to them anyways,

 

Somewhere in Ilashe Lagos, because a Man has no name *in Arya Starks’s voice* and a Man cannor coman go and die.

This is my profound advice to you;

Live,

Love,

Learn,

Un-Learn,

Re-Learn,

Do things that give You goose pimples,

Goof,

Goof again,

Goof one more time and laugh at yourself,

Attempt activities that send chills down your spine.

Live a thousand times before You die and I can assure You even the Angels will give You “tiri gbosa” when You finally enter Heaven with Zanku “Legwork”.

This River is where “Cross River” state got her name from… This picture was taken in Ebonyi state but the moment You CROSS this RIVER to the other side, You are in CROSS RIVER state. Isn’t God great?

By the way, by the time You are reading this, I will probably be at the Obudu Cattle Ranch in Cross River State or watching Coca-Cola Bottle shaped beautiful girls at the Calabar Carnival in Calabar, Cross River State.

Sebi I am not the Buhari that scattered our economy? 😀 🙂  

See You in the new year fam!.

Let me leave You with the 2018 PASSOVER SONG in our “ministry”

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