In the light of the #StopRobbingUs campaign that erupted on Twitter over the Weekend, I too (or should I use #MeToo) have had my own share of encounters with the Men of the Nigerian Police and their SARS counterparts.
In my own case, I learnt on the job pretty quickly, so I did not get any “Gbas Gbos Gbas” treated.
This short satire encapsulates my encounters and the little hack I have used to “appease the Mad Man in Black Uniforms” in my very many journeys. Enjoy!;
“You are too fresh, which other shady business are You doing?”
“I dont just like You, You look arrogant”
“Whatever it is You are, You can never be a Police Man”
“So You think because You are carrying a Computer and driving a Car You are better than Me?”
“Will You give us something or we should delay You”
“Where is your “Information Required”?”
Excerpts from some of my many encounters with Police Men and Sars officials.
If there is one vital lesson I have learnt in life, it is that “The Mad Man is always right”.
The Yoruba Man puts it better, he said “E je ka pe were ni Oko Iyawo” AKA “Tell the Madman is he is the groom”.
Nobody taught me to be wearing well tailored Kaftans by Smyth Couturé Nigeria whenever I am travelling as against Hoodies and Jeans…
When 10 check points will stop You between Lagos and Enugu and waste approximately 5-10 minutes each (I am not exaggerating, I once counted 10 checkpoints. My offence : I had Bia Bia and I was Driving on the highway)
I have also learnt TUALES like “Boss”, “Odogwu”, “Chief”, “Officer of the law!!!”, “Chairman”, “Onye Isi”, “Obong Owo” etc as against using the QUEENS ENGLISH my Mom taught Me at Check Points.
All these in addition to my complete Papers, Valid Drivers’ License and 2 ID Cards o..
Talk about Survival Tips for the average Nigerian Young Guy.
If You like stay there and be blowing grammar and standing on your right.. they will shoot You still on your right, You will die on your right..
Lass lass, the Twitter Gladiators will raise yet another hashtag in your honor…
God help You if Mercy attacks Tacha or Wizkid says something about Davido that day, your HASHTAG will DIE join.
Remember, “the mad man is always right”, we can talk about your own RIGHTS later.
Image Credit : https://qz.com AKA I was not the one that snapped the picture o..Before You people mark my face.
I am Seun Ogunmola I help People and Organizations to leverage on Technology to achieve their goals Faster, Easier and Cheaper.
I also write on diverse subject areas including Finance, Business, Productivity and Governance.